talking out of my rss

My new favourite public transport delay reason

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 10:56:10 +0000

My new favourite public transport delay reason

Hey Northern Rail, I found this, possible class 142/144...

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 12:16:19 +0000

Hey Northern Rail, I found this, possible class 142/144 replacement?

It’s like standing by the finishing line of the most...

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 17:37:28 +0100

It’s like standing by the finishing line of the most boring race in the world

Amazon should take more care picking their product-pushing email...

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 09:21:10 +0100

Amazon should take more care picking their product-pushing email subject lines

I'd like to summarise every opinion poll, ever

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 16:36:33 +0100

The greatest support for doing something reactionary and stupid will always be found in the 65+ age group, who are the least likely to have to live with the consequences of their decisions.

Today I am mostly looking forward to...

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 16:12:46 +0100

…the anti-EU brigade explaining how a small island nation that is not very well-liked, that can’t generate enough of its own power or grow enough food to feed itself, will survive if it pulls out of the only geographically sensible trade agreement available.

There is no pot of gold #bcafc #bradfordcity #bradford

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 11:29:21 +0100

There is no pot of gold #bcafc #bradfordcity #bradford

"My cats have also always liked the smell of earwax, so I wanted to see if I could make a crayon of..."

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 11:35:19 +0100

“My cats have also always liked the smell of earwax, so I wanted to see if I could make a crayon of earwax so that I could write words they liked to smell.”

- Comment on Reddit

This number is still going down

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 22:17:36 +0100

This number is still going down

"Excessive acreages of unused buildings, commercial and residential were created. The need for such..."

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 13:38:35 +0100

“Excessive acreages of unused buildings, commercial and residential were created. The need for such construction, given the space demands of modern business bureaucracy, was believed to be without limit. In later consequence, the solvency of numerous banks, including that of some of the nation’s largest and most prestigious institutions, was either fatally impaired or placed in doubt. The lending of both those that failed or were endangered and others was subject, by fear and example to curtailment. The construction industry was severely constrained and its workers left unemployed. A general recession ensued. Any early warning as to what was happening would have been exceptionally ill received, seen as yet another invasion of the benign rule of laissez faire and a specific interference with the market. However in keeping with the exceptions to this rule, there would be eventual salvation in a government bailout of the banks. Insurance of bank deposits — a far from slight contribution to contentment — was permissible, as well as assurance that were a bank large enough, it would not be allowed to fail. A preventive role by government was not allowed; eventual government rescue was highly acceptable.”

- John Kenneth Galbraith, The Culture of Contentment, 1992

Poor relations

Sat, 01 Oct 2011 14:11:15 +0100

I wonder if Nick Clegg and Barack Obama are related? Both won votes on the basis of promises they have singularly failed to deliver on and both have pursued (and allowed to be pursued) incredibly damaging and dangerous agendas.

Whoops

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 16:57:26 +0100

Whoops

I have prepared a tedious overly-laboured political satire, so here goes

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 16:52:00 +0100

I bet the Tories are increasing the speed limit to 80mph because 80+10% is 88mph, and they think that by that method they can literally transport us back to Victorian times, rather than merely recreating the social conditions of that era.

Actually on reflection, with the economy fucked, zero job creation, and the Tories determined to destroy the NHS, the Tory geniuses probably thought this was the ideal way to both create job vacancies and chow down slurpily on Jeremy Clarkson’s old-man-in-blue-jeans cock.

Univeristy

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 14:18:36 +0100

Today, when many people find out if they are going to university, I am mostly remembering how mine consistently spelled it “univeristy” in the web browser title bar of their computers, for the entire time that I was there.

I suppose it may have been revenge on all the people who spell Teesside with only one S.

CallMeDave's revised Human Rights Act

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 10:45:28 +0100

~~the right to life~~
~~freedom from torture and degrading treatment~~
~~freedom from slavery and forced labour~~
~~the right to liberty~~
~~the right to a fair trial~~
~~the right not to be punished for something that wasn’t a crime when you did it~~
~~the right to respect for private and family life~~
~~freedom of thought, conscience and religion, and freedom to express your beliefs~~
~~freedom of expression~~
~~freedom of assembly and association~~
the ~~right~~ requirement to marry and to start a family
~~the right not to be discriminated against in respect of these rights and freedoms~~
~~the right to peaceful enjoyment of your property~~
~~the right to an education~~
~~the right to participate in free elections~~
~~the right not to be subjected to the death penalty~~

That much?

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 13:18:37 +0100

That much?

"….the free nation gradually constricting its grip on public discourse has begun its rapid..."

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 13:15:29 +0100

“….the free nation gradually constricting its grip on public discourse has begun its rapid slide into despotism. Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master.”

- Commissioner Pravin Lal, Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri

A fictional cabinet meeting

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 14:43:32 +0100

I ran out of ideas writing this but didn't want to throw it away.
CallMeDave: Morning all. A lot to get through today. Money is most important so it's economy first. Gideon?
Gideon: I recently met with the CBI and I'm pleased to report that in the last quarter British industry produced 1 3/8ths of a Thing. The head of the CBI said if we abolish all employee rights, the minimum wage, consumer rights, environmental legislation, legalise slavery and dig up and repeatedly spit on the corpse of William Wilberforce they might be able to boost that to 1 5/8ths of a Thing by the last quarter of 2026.
CallMeDave: Education next. Mikey?
Gove: Well as you know, since we abolished Building Schools for the Future, and also the Future, we haven't made any new investment in our schools. I'm pleased to say that we have found capacity in our budget to lease upwards of 11 chairs from the private sector over the next 25 years.
CallMeDave: Health?
Lansley: Unfortunately some people persist in being ill despite our best efforts to discourage poor people from doing anything other than dying.
CallMeDave: OK, the environment, delight me, Spelman.
Spelman: Our plan to reduce skin cancer and boost the building trade and government revenues by building a dome over the UK to block out the Sun, and then charge people for access to holes in it, met with stunning success. However I think we should now think about some form of privatisation because private capital can run it more efficiently. We will sell the infrastructure to one company and the holes to other companies on a franchise basis, who will be able to sell access to their holes.
Gove: "Sell access to their holes", I suggested a similar thing for the more attractive students who are wondering how to pay for their degress.
Clegg: *groaning noises*
CallMeDave: What are you doing Clegg? Not masturbating under the table again? I know even the faintest hint of power makes you hard, but the coalition agreement specifically prohibits any member of your party from masturbating anywhere in Europe. Go sit in the corner with Hague and the other compulsive masturbators.

On the subject of Mr Marbles' sentencing

Tue, 02 Aug 2011 16:31:00 +0100

I’m in two very different minds about “Johnny Marbles” being sentenced to six weeks in prison. On the one hand it is plainly a politically-motivated sentence, but as a not-so-recent victim of extremely pointless crime I do think that pointless crimes should carry disproportionately harsh punishments because that will be the only way to stop them.

I just wish his sentence had been because he attacked on old man, disrupting parliamentary business in the process and being a complete dickhead, rather than because the government, judiciary and police are, as ever, determined to cling onto their positions and come down heavily against anything that even resembles protest.

So, in conclusion, smash the state but also punish the criminals, but for the right reasons.

Also, oh look.

Addendum: Copper caught and convicted after boasting about having child porn images doesn’t go to prison at all. Above the law and all that.

There’s money to be made and Apple are right there where...

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 17:56:22 +0100

There’s money to be made and Apple are right there where the action is