talking out of my rss

(I apologise in advance)

I want my, I want my Sky TV
I want my, I want my Sky TV

Now look at them journos, that’s the way you do it
You hack the phone of a celebrity
That ain’t reporting, that’s the way you do it
Give the money to the coppers and get off scot-free
Now that ain’t reportin’, that’s the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ain’t dumb
Maybe get the fifth page of the Daily Express
Maybe get the front page of the Sun

We gotta swallow all of the adverts
Everything is buy one get one free
We gotta buy these tabloid newspapers
We gotta buy this Sky TV

See the little bitch who used to edit that shit redtop?
Yeah buddy that’s her own hair
That little bitch left despite not accepting blame
That little bitch she’s been kicked out of the lair

We gotta swallow all of the adverts
Everything is buy one get one free
We gotta buy these tabloid newspapers
We gotta buy this Sky TV

I shoulda learned to bribe a policeman
I shoulda learned to hack them phones
Look at that Milly, the got all of their hopes up
Man they messed up that one
And he’s up there, what’s that? Murdoch apologises?
Pretend to be senile at the committee
That ain’t reporting, that’s the way you do it
Give the money to the coppers and get off scot-free

We gotta swallow all of the adverts
Everything is buy one get one free
We gotta buy these tabloid newspapers
We gotta buy this Sky TV

Now that ain’t reportin’, that’s the way you do it
You hack the phone of a celebrity
That ain’t reportin’ that’s the way you do it
Money for coppers and you get off scot-free
Money for coppers and get off scot-free

Surely the problem is that he might be replaced by someone “better” (from a Tory point of view) who would of course be even worse from a what-is-best-for-humanity point of view than the current shiny-faced little tosswank.

A much better scenario would see him merely hit by a truck and falling into a coma until the next election.

I’m going to hold that cheery vision in my head whilst I go look up HGV driving lessons.

For context

1. We have the right to earn a living from our work.

No you don’t, actually.

2. We reiterate that basic human right to work enshrined in Article 23 (1) of the UN Declaration on Human Rights, and by virtue of Article 23(3) of that declaration to ‘just and favourable remuneration’ for our artistic endeavours.

Your remuneration is for the market to decide.

3. We seek to make technology a friend and not an enemy of our creativity.

So engage with it.  Try to innovate, huh?

4. We ask to be allowed to make a living, whether through performing, writing or recording music, derived from the power of our ideas and the commercial use of our talents.

See point 1.

5. We say it is a fact that the protection of our creative output depends substantially on copyright law, and we urgently call on all governments to assist us in the legal protection of our collective artistic output from piracy and other unauthorised infringement.

How much of your copyright do you still “own” as opposed to having signed away to record labels?  Hmm?

6. It is self-evident that any commercial enterprise requires revenue flows to not only survive, but thrive, innovate and take calculated risks.

Ah, the famously innovative and risk-taking book publishers and record labels.  Oddly the ones that do innovate and take risks are not the huge ones and generally don’t shout about copyright as much.

7. We say that the internet service provider industry must accept its share of responsibility for the rampant abuse of copyright online. Easy unauthorised access to our material goes unchecked every day across the world and infringers do not seek our consent when sharing our works.

Nope.  See also censorship, creeping fascism, etc.  People used to trade copied items through the mail but I don’t think you were asking to open everybody’s mail on the chance they were mailing hand-labelled C60s to each other (“packet inspection”, haha).  ISPs move data packets from one place to another with no knowledge of what they are.  Your moral share of this comes to 0%.  The cheque is in the post.

8. Our creative industries are facing unsustainable revenue losses due to weak or unenforced copyright laws. This means one thing and one thing only: millions of jobs lost and young talent ignored.

Ah, the famously innovative and risk-taking book publishers and record labels.

9. While our industry has collapsed to annual revenues of less than US$20 billion, the ISP industry has more than doubled its revenues in the last five years to US$250 billion — due in large part to infringement of our artistic works.

You say “large part”, prove it.  It’s a bullshit statement and you know it.  Most people do not, in fact, download your “artistic works” at all.  If you dispute this, please provide your research saying 60% or more of people have signed up for internet access largely to download content without necessarily possessing the rights to do so.

10 We demand our indisputable right to copyright protection be no longer ignored. ‘Free’ should not come at such a terrible cost.

Misuse of the word “terrible” when the word “unfortunate” should be used.  I don’t think anyone has died, have they?

11. We demand a divorce from reality.

Oops, added that one in myself

Look, the one thing that artists really need to learn is that the internet gives them a way of distributing their stuff to people all over the world at almost zero marginal cost and keeping a huge portion of the proceeds all to themselves.  That huge company who you normally owe money to every time you put out a CD?  You don’t need them any more.

Would that be in his spare time from promoting the sort of facile anti-intellectual laddism that puts people off studying science and engineering?

One day I will raise a terrible and furious fire, and it will sweep your kind from the earth.

Yours sincerely

Alex

…and all of a sudden there was a flash of light, and a strange phonebox-sized contraption appeared.  A man stepped out of it and said “Hello, I’m a time traveller from the 1980s, sent to your time to see if the future holds any more promise”.

“Well”, I said, “a recently-elected Tory government of cheats and thieves have declared war on society, the news agenda is dominated by a fast-developing nuclear disaster, and we just started bombing Libya”.

“Bollocks to all this”, he said, “I’m setting the destination for this thing to the mouth of an active volcano”, and off he went in another flash of light.

Then I went back inside and sat in the dark and cried for the world.